How to help people care
I re-read the latest version of my synopsis, and I realized it was still dry and unemotional. So I added some emotion words.
I’ve put them in bold below.
In Prohibition-era, rural Washington State, Sister Joseph dedicates herself to financial management of the small convent she belongs to. But when she can’t save the convent from going bankrupt, the youngest sister, Sister Rose, has the winning idea: to run a still. Besides saving the convent, they’ll provide an alternative to bootleg liquor that poisons and kills men in the valley.
Reluctantly, Mother Catherine gives Sister Rose her permission to build the still. The Sisters gratefully pay off their debts and make repairs they have put off for years. But success and money tempt Sister Joseph away from her vow to live in poverty. She pushes and bullies Sister Rose to make more and more alcohol.
Sudden wealth distracts the Sisters from their mission to serve God and the people in the valley. Then a terrible accident with the still injures Sister Rose and nearly kills Sister Joseph. Finally, she confesses why she so desperately needs the money: to build a beautiful church so she can find the inner peace she has struggled without for 20 years.
Sister Joseph and Sister Rose forge a cautious truce: to run the still just enough longer to repair the damage they have done. Mother Catherine says only that she will consider it. The nuns begin the service of Compline, with its timely warning: “Be sober, be vigilant, for your adversary the Devil as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”
What do you think? Does this sound more like a play that a theatre would love?